Monday, February 11, 2008

What Do Sistahs Think?

The question I'd like to put forth to the sistahs, i.e., women of black Afrikan descent, is this:

How do you feel when you see a brotha with a woman of another race? With so few black men available these days, it's said that black women resent race-mixing because it cuts into their chances for relationships with the few brothas left.

Do you believe that, sistah?

Talk to me.

Your Hip Hapa,


S said...

I don't have a problem with black men dating women of other hues. My only issue is when a black man when with a woman of another culture downs black women, almost as if he feels like it needs to be justified. Contrary to what a lot of black men think...some of us are just happy you found somebody...hell anybody for that matter.
If you are with the person you're with b/c you care about them and are genuinely attracted to that person...there is no need of defending the relationship.
My other issue is seeing how a blcak man will accept in a white or latino woman that he doesn't with a sistah. If I see one more with an obese, various baby daddy having white woman it will be too soon. That same man will dog a sistah out for having some extra weight and for having kids (even when it's the same dad). Why the double standard? These issue are what I have a problem with in the interracial (black men with white, asian or latino women).

If black men just did the damn thing and stopped trying to justify why they aren't dating someone who looks like them it wouldn't be an issue. Don't put us down to make your woman feel better.
Just my 2 cents.

yvonnjanae said...

I'm smiling because I know this is a question you already know the answer to. Of course black women who do not claim mixed heritage are upset when they see black men with other women.
(I say "who do not claim mixed heritage" because there are few, if any black American women who do not have Caucasian or American Indian blood in them. My great-great grandmother was white. My grandmother was constantly mistaken for white. My mother was asked if she was mulatto. I, however, am dark brown and that's that.)
I, for one, don't blame the women they pursue, however. I fully realize that having grown up in Western culture, our images of what is right and good are heavily influenced by narrow noses and straight hair.
It is the same in other cultures. Do you ever wonder why Japanese seem to embrace Americanism so much? Why anime characters have wide gaping eyes and pointed noses?
Consider, if you will, a black man who watches TV from childhood up, being told that Cindy Crawford or Paris Hilton types are the ultimate in desireablity. Then they see Naomi Campbell or Tyra Banks, also desireable, but wearing long, straight weaves and colored contact lenses. Then they see other dark black women -- Oprah, Angela Bassett, Indie Arie -- and there is no mention of their desireability. Sure, they're to be respected, but no one suggests that they be craved.
So, for women who fall into that last category, many of whom make up the 43 percent of black women who will NEVER marry, there is resentment.

It's the futility of it all, though, that makes us resort to harmful actions. We eat because we are frustrated. We get involved with unworthy men because half a man is better than no man, in many of our minds. It doesn't make our lives better. Dating white or Asian or Latino or Middle Eastern men might ease the pain -- but wait a minute -- those men have bought into the idea that we are not be craved as well.
Not sure this is what you were looking for.